我們坐下, 圍著那張大桌, 爸爸媽媽小妹大妹和我
我對正考慮未來當編劇的大妹說
這是一個很具戲劇張力的場合 不是嗎?
我說 沒有人理解 現場每個人的心里究竟是甚麼感覺
傷痛 痛得就要崩潰了 可是 盡力微笑 說一些極為平常的話
平常的不可思議 的話
你的孩子甚麼時候飛回去?
你呢, 去那裡唸書?
你在新加坡工作哦?
那, 我們不久前還在爬山時碰到他, 他看起來那麼健康, 沒想到......
平常活蹦亂跳的小孩 這一刻 很正常的不正常 很安靜
平常感性的小孩 這一刻 一臉堅毅
誰都不想 自己的傷痛 讓別人的痛雪上加霜
大家都痛 都不說 都不哭 或是盡力哭得不讓人發現
陌生的臉孔這時候會帶著無比關愛的心走向你
給你擁抱 要你加油 要你保重 要你堅強
你說 我們有心里準備了
而我知道 當心里準備好面對的事發生了
我們竟然發現自己原來還是無法承受
生命中 太多的事沒有預習, 沒有經驗 也不想有經驗
今夜 我希望你能再眼淚中 睡著 親愛的
Monday, July 25, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
22 jun 2011
this is a non-working weekday for me.
i tell myself, i shall run after i write this blog.
casual poet - 2011-04-24 - mother's story by 1003casualpoet
i'm listenig to the above when i m typing.
she is a special girl. i still think that she is some kind of lucky girl, born in a rich family.
but other than my jealousy, i admit, she is different, in an admiring way
reading her blog, it makes one think about 'self'
我觉得我变得平凡了
i wonder if someone think of 'self' but have no idea how he or she has become, is it better or worse
it must be quite worrying, or not?
i have lost some kind of sensitivity - i thought it is part of growing up - or maybe it is just a kind of loss
anyway. since being attached with my current husband, and then get married, being nourished in a certain kind of way has unknowingly made me probably a more lovable and loving person. i have been stirred away from the sentimental and the ‘rather pessimistic' kind of me. yet, deep down, i know i admire people who writes, who thinks a lot, who cries, who rambles their crazy thoughts. they are out of norm. they are special, being themselves, less assimilated. when i last went sing K with my dear sis, i know i sing my emotions out with some songs by zhang xuan, chen shan ni ...
anyway. there is nothing to regret about, or can be regretted about, or need to be regretted about
nothing
i experience my days in a very nourishing way. i grow.
and next, when husband is away for his dream in penang (malaysia), when i m going to have my single room (my 1st ever in life), i guess i would experience life differently. i know being alone for a while before we finally settle together forever is a good thing. everyone needs to connect with someone. at the same time, everyone needs to be with 'self' every now and then too.
i wish me & my husband who brings me to experience a life that is very different without him
we both live, feel, learn, grow, smile, cry, sometime together, other time alone
knowing someone loves you - no matter what - is a kind of happiness
: )
**ps - casual poet is a show @radio1003.com / FM 100.3 in Singapore Sun 10pm-12mn
visit her blog @http://blog.casualpoet.com/
wt love filled my heart
kai xuan
i tell myself, i shall run after i write this blog.
casual poet - 2011-04-24 - mother's story by 1003casualpoet
i'm listenig to the above when i m typing.
she is a special girl. i still think that she is some kind of lucky girl, born in a rich family.
but other than my jealousy, i admit, she is different, in an admiring way
reading her blog, it makes one think about 'self'
我觉得我变得平凡了
i wonder if someone think of 'self' but have no idea how he or she has become, is it better or worse
it must be quite worrying, or not?
i have lost some kind of sensitivity - i thought it is part of growing up - or maybe it is just a kind of loss
anyway. since being attached with my current husband, and then get married, being nourished in a certain kind of way has unknowingly made me probably a more lovable and loving person. i have been stirred away from the sentimental and the ‘rather pessimistic' kind of me. yet, deep down, i know i admire people who writes, who thinks a lot, who cries, who rambles their crazy thoughts. they are out of norm. they are special, being themselves, less assimilated. when i last went sing K with my dear sis, i know i sing my emotions out with some songs by zhang xuan, chen shan ni ...
anyway. there is nothing to regret about, or can be regretted about, or need to be regretted about
nothing
i experience my days in a very nourishing way. i grow.
and next, when husband is away for his dream in penang (malaysia), when i m going to have my single room (my 1st ever in life), i guess i would experience life differently. i know being alone for a while before we finally settle together forever is a good thing. everyone needs to connect with someone. at the same time, everyone needs to be with 'self' every now and then too.
i wish me & my husband who brings me to experience a life that is very different without him
we both live, feel, learn, grow, smile, cry, sometime together, other time alone
knowing someone loves you - no matter what - is a kind of happiness
: )
**ps - casual poet is a show @radio1003.com / FM 100.3 in Singapore Sun 10pm-12mn
visit her blog @http://blog.casualpoet.com/
wt love filled my heart
kai xuan
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
24 May, 2011 00:00
i need a quiet place to talk to myself
again
to talk randomly abt things in my mind
- well my dear sis seems to have found someone who will take care of her. & i wish she finds the inner peace, & become happy with her life & her self.
- a good friend called up. 恭喜我, he said. that's very him. very cute. & he finally got someone who is willing to tie a know with him. although i dun understand why a second time proposal. i guess for a man/boy like him, nothing is not right as long as he feels like to do it. wish he a good time diving with his beloved fiance. & i m glad that, as a friend, i can give him a small little gift by standing for his show, host for him. i will do it with much blessing in heart, with much gratitude to my gifted talents which allows me to give him a gift he needs.
- another special friend, whom i met him again recently, after years of losing contach with each other. we met at a special time which none of us will ever thought of. still, for everyone who loves whole heartedly (like my guy friend who recently 再求婚成功) will meet a life-long partner one day.
- talking about guy friend. there is one i had not met for long. and i probably know that it migth be better if we dont. i miss him, a lot. time has flied, fast. and his kindness and gentle-ness, and the moments we had shared is really part of good memory. i promised i will invite him for my wedding. and i dun know if i m going to break this promise because it is probably best to let the past be the past, for him & his loved ones, this is the best?
- & talking about breaking promise. i (or we, with my husband) recently watched Mayday's interview done 2 yrs ago. I recently met a photographer, make-up artist who loves what they do for living. & i .. 心虚 (diffident?) Xin from Mayday says Mayday has dreams which has yet to be realised; without dreams, he says, heart seems to have cooled down 心好像冷掉了. my dear. what's my dream? i would answer a coffee shop, with grand piano 三角钢琴, with books, if i can continue radio hosting, that would be perfect. well, i dont know what is behind this coffee + piano + book + radio. Is it about sharing? Is it about slow life? I am not sure.
what about radio? i talked to myself hundreds times, that place is cruel, that place is not as ideal for me anyway, i dont like ad-lib, i .. but when he asked me for standing in, my heart still feel the bitterness. i m just being honestly weak. i m silly. i know i dun fit into it, it doesnt suit me too, my feeling is still not controllable. and honestly, honestly, to be able to share on-air, to read ur sharing thru sms, to know u thru call-ins, to do radio, every moment is 痛并快乐着. the happiness comes from the effort put in, comes from the enjoyment you shared with me which you gained from what i shared.
i love radio hosting
i guess that's a fact, afterall
& afterall, untill i find sth i love more than radio hosting, i hope to keep on doing it, no matter how infrequent. i love the connections we create on-air.
i love u yong jian. i love u yong da. i love u too tong. i love the gifts radio has given me, a friend like ke min. i love my dad who listened, who smiled & said, u sound great. i love my husband who said, go back do ur show live, since u enjoy it much. that's many thing radio gives me. i m thankful to lingzhi's yinyueriji. i m thankful to my 15 when i stayed in hostel. i m thankful to my siss n bros who listen to great music & share with me. i m good.
i m loved. & i ve sth i loved which makes my heart wrench sometimes.
afterall. it's probably a blessing in disguise. i did not make it there makes me still love it so much. my years in debate told me one thing: if u r not chosen, it doesnt mean u r not good enough. that means only u r not chosen. well, another thing which dear songhui xuezhang shared & i remembered it clearly: we see your persistance, and in debate, people who persists there eventually make it
: ) a smile to me, and my dear friends who read this
again
to talk randomly abt things in my mind
- well my dear sis seems to have found someone who will take care of her. & i wish she finds the inner peace, & become happy with her life & her self.
- a good friend called up. 恭喜我, he said. that's very him. very cute. & he finally got someone who is willing to tie a know with him. although i dun understand why a second time proposal. i guess for a man/boy like him, nothing is not right as long as he feels like to do it. wish he a good time diving with his beloved fiance. & i m glad that, as a friend, i can give him a small little gift by standing for his show, host for him. i will do it with much blessing in heart, with much gratitude to my gifted talents which allows me to give him a gift he needs.
- another special friend, whom i met him again recently, after years of losing contach with each other. we met at a special time which none of us will ever thought of. still, for everyone who loves whole heartedly (like my guy friend who recently 再求婚成功) will meet a life-long partner one day.
- talking about guy friend. there is one i had not met for long. and i probably know that it migth be better if we dont. i miss him, a lot. time has flied, fast. and his kindness and gentle-ness, and the moments we had shared is really part of good memory. i promised i will invite him for my wedding. and i dun know if i m going to break this promise because it is probably best to let the past be the past, for him & his loved ones, this is the best?
- & talking about breaking promise. i (or we, with my husband) recently watched Mayday's interview done 2 yrs ago. I recently met a photographer, make-up artist who loves what they do for living. & i .. 心虚 (diffident?) Xin from Mayday says Mayday has dreams which has yet to be realised; without dreams, he says, heart seems to have cooled down 心好像冷掉了. my dear. what's my dream? i would answer a coffee shop, with grand piano 三角钢琴, with books, if i can continue radio hosting, that would be perfect. well, i dont know what is behind this coffee + piano + book + radio. Is it about sharing? Is it about slow life? I am not sure.
what about radio? i talked to myself hundreds times, that place is cruel, that place is not as ideal for me anyway, i dont like ad-lib, i .. but when he asked me for standing in, my heart still feel the bitterness. i m just being honestly weak. i m silly. i know i dun fit into it, it doesnt suit me too, my feeling is still not controllable. and honestly, honestly, to be able to share on-air, to read ur sharing thru sms, to know u thru call-ins, to do radio, every moment is 痛并快乐着. the happiness comes from the effort put in, comes from the enjoyment you shared with me which you gained from what i shared.
i love radio hosting
i guess that's a fact, afterall
& afterall, untill i find sth i love more than radio hosting, i hope to keep on doing it, no matter how infrequent. i love the connections we create on-air.
i love u yong jian. i love u yong da. i love u too tong. i love the gifts radio has given me, a friend like ke min. i love my dad who listened, who smiled & said, u sound great. i love my husband who said, go back do ur show live, since u enjoy it much. that's many thing radio gives me. i m thankful to lingzhi's yinyueriji. i m thankful to my 15 when i stayed in hostel. i m thankful to my siss n bros who listen to great music & share with me. i m good.
i m loved. & i ve sth i loved which makes my heart wrench sometimes.
afterall. it's probably a blessing in disguise. i did not make it there makes me still love it so much. my years in debate told me one thing: if u r not chosen, it doesnt mean u r not good enough. that means only u r not chosen. well, another thing which dear songhui xuezhang shared & i remembered it clearly: we see your persistance, and in debate, people who persists there eventually make it
: ) a smile to me, and my dear friends who read this
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)