morning Pages + creative Expeditions + Highlights (The Artist's Way of Parenting by Julia Cameron)

60 more hours before Leila turns 22 months old.

This is, a lot of time, how I see my time. Maybe, in time, this perspective of time and life will change. Maybe it won't.

The last time I read anything on parenting was probably over two months ago. That was when I heard a lot of NOs, it just kept coming every day. So many of NOs. Can't remember which books I borrowed and read. But I remembered after that "read to survive" attempt, I was motivated, and intended to give Leila some new activities to try. Painting. More puzzles. Let her be messy. Ask her choices as much as I can (which shoes to wear? shall we go for a walkabout? etc).

I guess, after the recent tsunami election in Malaysia, after taking a break on getting parenting insights, after Leila's language ability has just leapt into the next phase, (forming short sentences, and describing things happened in the past), and going into a phase where my more creative, liberal, artistic other half is going to stay home and accompany her daily lives, three days a week; I decide to explore what else could I do more or less next?

This book, which I only started yesterday, and finished about one sixth in 30 minutes, it hooked me right away by describing the most difficult time right after the birth of my child. The disconnection from your "old self" and the world as you have known it, is ... isolating.

Julia has shared that stage and her feelings so accurately, so painful and emotional for me to read it,

And I believe she discovered the three Basic Tools through her own experience as a "writer with a child".

Morning Pages - writing 15 minutes a day. Preferably before starting the day. Ideally in one go. 

this is a private conversation with yourself. say anything you want. exhaustion. guilt. desire. despair. anything. and don't share it. apparently, it will help gives you clarity, and energy to face the day.

creative Expeditions - a weekly planned Fun.

depends on the child/children's age. they are welcome to take charge of this planned fun. it can be going to the museum or going to the socks shop. but Fun is the main thing. Beach. or Concert. or Aquarium. Anything.

through these Expeditions, the idea is you share your interests with your child/children.

Just so happened that, last night, Leila finished watching Andy's Prehistoric Adventure. She said to me, "Go where? Adventure." She was telling me she wanted to go for her own adventure. Daddy was cooking dinner, I decided that we could put on our winter jackets and shoes and see what 21 months old Leila's adventure is like? Turned out, she had no idea what she wanted to do. I made suggestions, she was happy enough to work with them. I had to insist she had to WALK on her adventure, not to be carried nor piggy back. I had to give her all the time she needed to walk the next step. But, it turned to be a wonderful time, just try to walk and play along the way. When was the last time we did this?

It was unplanned. Yet, it turned out to be pure fun and real relaxing. She did her adventure by walking 90% of it. It's great.

and honestly, I do not think I am up to weekly extraordinary planned fun, like a new place or new adventure. but monthly will suit me. every week, we are already doing lots of fun things, playgrounds, plus visits to library and places such as beach or park. But, to keep in mind, using a planned fun expedition to relive my interest and explore with my child definitely going to make a positive difference to our time tgt.

Highlights - asking each other the favourite of the day

the idea is to incorporate sharing about the Favourite part of the day with your child/children, do it as part of the bed time routine.

I would love to do it with my partner too, really. Apparently, having this "Highlights" talk is a daily check-in that not only connects the parties. It also helps each of you looking your own life a bit differently. Thinking what I am going to share with my kid end of today?

For the creative children we have, and the hope that they stay creative growing up, let's give this a try.

How alone we are, I am

"This clothe. She can still wear it when she is one." the nurse commented when we showed her the clothe we brought for our new born to wear in the ward.

I looked at a photo of Leila on my wall along the hallway just now. And her comment just popped up in my mind.

In the photo, Leila has a rather neutral expression. It shows neither happiness nor sadness. Just a "blank" emotion. Sleeves of her onesie folded up twice. So were the pants. She was lying down flat, therefore it was probably taken before she could sit upright around 5 months old. She did wear that onesie till one year old I think.

And, recalling all these just reminded me how alone I was, or we are, depending if you see pregnancy of a matter of a woman or a couple. We had some hand-me-down clothes from friends of similar age. But, I had not seen any family member the entire time I was pregnant.

I went home in Oct to attend my younger brother's wedding. Had my last period the day I boarded the plane. I had been trying for more than 10 months then, and I remembered calling my husband who did not travel back with me, announcing the period had come and felt disappointed. Once back to Melbourne again, we got lucky and I found out I was pregnant in the month after or so.

So, it might be the plane and the last period or something else at the back of my mind. I chose not to fly if not necessary during the entire pregnancy. So, none of the family members from either side see me when I was pregnant. Husband flew back to Malaysia in Dec. His mum, dear aunty whom he's so closely bonded with, and him, they went out together to buy me pregnancy wear while I was not present. It was very special, to choose my outfit over WhatsApp.

Fast forward to a much later stage of my pregnancy, Husband and I went to our favourite Japanese store to buy clothes for our baby. We had no idea what all those numbers mean. 70cm? 0000? WHAT? Being comparatively significantly physically more petite than the average in Australia, we still did not think our baby could be the smaller one among the smaller ones. Long story short, she was born within 5th percentile at full term. That meaning, she was among the smallest, lightest five percent of all new born babies. Well, we really did not know.

I do not know how many of you experience a "solo" experience without even realising it until much later. We did not think. I did not think we were doing it alone. No grandparents giving advices. No uncle or aunties to even explain what those sizes mean. Anyway, we came all the way through to here. Kind of alone. Until I had met the daddies and mummies through an organised effort of the local government. To me, able to meet new daddies and mummies in my neighbourhood is a great blessing. So does having a maternal child health nurse who visited my baby and I, then followed through our parenthood till around the 18 months mark. Because, I have no one to even ask the most inconsequential question. What are mittens? Oh baby gloves? Where do I get them? How many do I need?

It is the way it is. Ready for, hoping for having a number 2 at the moment. I still have not figured out why I would not fly during my pregnancy. But I would hope, if we have a second chance, I hope my parents, or some of my family can see me when I was growing bigger and bigger, quite literally. And maybe feel the kicks in my tummy. I hope.