24 May, 2011 00:00

i need a quiet place to talk to myself

again

to talk randomly abt things in my mind

- well my dear sis seems to have found someone who will take care of her. & i wish she finds the inner peace, & become happy with her life & her self.

- a good friend called up. 恭喜我, he said. that's very him. very cute. & he finally got someone who is willing to tie a know with him. although i dun understand why a second time proposal. i guess for a man/boy like him, nothing is not right as long as he feels like to do it. wish he a good time diving with his beloved fiance. & i m glad that, as a friend, i can give him a small little gift by standing for his show, host for him. i will do it with much blessing in heart, with much gratitude to my gifted talents which allows me to give him a gift he needs.

- another special friend, whom i met him again recently, after years of losing contach with each other. we met at a special time which none of us will ever thought of. still, for everyone who loves whole heartedly (like my guy friend who recently 再求婚成功) will meet a life-long partner one day.

- talking about guy friend. there is one i had not met for long. and i probably know that it migth be better if we dont. i miss him, a lot. time has flied, fast. and his kindness and gentle-ness, and the moments we had shared is really part of good memory. i promised i will invite him for my wedding. and i dun know if i m going to break this promise because it is probably best to let the past be the past, for him & his loved ones, this is the best?

- & talking about breaking promise. i (or we, with my husband) recently watched Mayday's interview done 2 yrs ago. I recently met a photographer, make-up artist who loves what they do for living. & i .. 心虚 (diffident?) Xin from Mayday says Mayday has dreams which has yet to be realised; without dreams, he says, heart seems to have cooled down 心好像冷掉了. my dear. what's my dream? i would answer a coffee shop, with grand piano 三角钢琴, with books, if i can continue radio hosting, that would be perfect. well, i dont know what is behind this coffee + piano + book + radio. Is it about sharing? Is it about slow life? I am not sure.

what about radio? i talked to myself hundreds times, that place is cruel, that place is not as ideal for me anyway, i dont like ad-lib, i .. but when he asked me for standing in, my heart still feel the bitterness. i m just being honestly weak. i m silly. i know i dun fit into it, it doesnt suit me too, my feeling is still not controllable. and honestly, honestly, to be able to share on-air, to read ur sharing thru sms, to know u thru call-ins, to do radio, every moment is 痛并快乐着. the happiness comes from the effort put in, comes from the enjoyment you shared with me which you gained from what i shared.

i love radio hosting

i guess that's a fact, afterall

& afterall, untill i find sth i love more than radio hosting, i hope to keep on doing it, no matter how infrequent. i love the connections we create on-air.

i love u yong jian. i love u yong da. i love u too tong. i love the gifts radio has given me, a friend like ke min. i love my dad who listened, who smiled & said, u sound great. i love my husband who said, go back do ur show live, since u enjoy it much. that's many thing radio gives me. i m thankful to lingzhi's yinyueriji. i m thankful to my 15 when i stayed in hostel. i m thankful to my siss n bros who listen to great music & share with me. i m good.

i m loved. & i ve sth i loved which makes my heart wrench sometimes.

afterall. it's probably a blessing in disguise. i did not make it there makes me still love it so much. my years in debate told me one thing: if u r not chosen, it doesnt mean u r not good enough. that means only u r not chosen. well, another thing which dear songhui xuezhang shared & i remembered it clearly: we see your persistance, and in debate, people who persists there eventually make it

: ) a smile to me, and my dear friends who read this