22 jun 2011

this is a non-working weekday for me.
i tell myself, i shall run after i write this blog.

casual poet - 2011-04-24 - mother's story by 1003casualpoet

i'm listenig to the above when i m typing.
she is a special girl. i still think that she is some kind of lucky girl, born in a rich family.
but other than my jealousy, i admit, she is different, in an admiring way

reading her blog, it makes one think about 'self'

我觉得我变得平凡了

i wonder if someone think of 'self' but have no idea how he or she has become, is it better or worse
it must be quite worrying, or not?

i have lost some kind of sensitivity - i thought it is part of growing up - or maybe it is just a kind of loss

anyway. since being attached with my current husband, and then get married, being nourished in a certain kind of way has unknowingly made me probably a more lovable and loving person. i have been stirred away from the sentimental and the ‘rather pessimistic' kind of me. yet, deep down, i know i admire people who writes, who thinks a lot, who cries, who rambles their crazy thoughts. they are out of norm. they are special, being themselves, less assimilated. when i last went sing K with my dear sis, i know i sing my emotions out with some songs by zhang xuan, chen shan ni ...

anyway. there is nothing to regret about, or can be regretted about, or need to be regretted about

nothing

i experience my days in a very nourishing way. i grow.

and next, when husband is away for his dream in penang (malaysia), when i m going to have my single room (my 1st ever in life), i guess i would experience life differently. i know being alone for a while before we finally settle together forever is a good thing. everyone needs to connect with someone. at the same time, everyone needs to be with 'self' every now and then too.

i wish me & my husband who brings me to experience a life that is very different without him
we both live, feel, learn, grow, smile, cry, sometime together, other time alone

knowing someone loves you - no matter what - is a kind of happiness

:  )


**ps - casual poet is a show @radio1003.com / FM 100.3 in Singapore Sun 10pm-12mn
visit her blog @http://blog.casualpoet.com/

wt love filled my heart
kai xuan

24 May, 2011 00:00

i need a quiet place to talk to myself

again

to talk randomly abt things in my mind

- well my dear sis seems to have found someone who will take care of her. & i wish she finds the inner peace, & become happy with her life & her self.

- a good friend called up. 恭喜我, he said. that's very him. very cute. & he finally got someone who is willing to tie a know with him. although i dun understand why a second time proposal. i guess for a man/boy like him, nothing is not right as long as he feels like to do it. wish he a good time diving with his beloved fiance. & i m glad that, as a friend, i can give him a small little gift by standing for his show, host for him. i will do it with much blessing in heart, with much gratitude to my gifted talents which allows me to give him a gift he needs.

- another special friend, whom i met him again recently, after years of losing contach with each other. we met at a special time which none of us will ever thought of. still, for everyone who loves whole heartedly (like my guy friend who recently 再求婚成功) will meet a life-long partner one day.

- talking about guy friend. there is one i had not met for long. and i probably know that it migth be better if we dont. i miss him, a lot. time has flied, fast. and his kindness and gentle-ness, and the moments we had shared is really part of good memory. i promised i will invite him for my wedding. and i dun know if i m going to break this promise because it is probably best to let the past be the past, for him & his loved ones, this is the best?

- & talking about breaking promise. i (or we, with my husband) recently watched Mayday's interview done 2 yrs ago. I recently met a photographer, make-up artist who loves what they do for living. & i .. 心虚 (diffident?) Xin from Mayday says Mayday has dreams which has yet to be realised; without dreams, he says, heart seems to have cooled down 心好像冷掉了. my dear. what's my dream? i would answer a coffee shop, with grand piano 三角钢琴, with books, if i can continue radio hosting, that would be perfect. well, i dont know what is behind this coffee + piano + book + radio. Is it about sharing? Is it about slow life? I am not sure.

what about radio? i talked to myself hundreds times, that place is cruel, that place is not as ideal for me anyway, i dont like ad-lib, i .. but when he asked me for standing in, my heart still feel the bitterness. i m just being honestly weak. i m silly. i know i dun fit into it, it doesnt suit me too, my feeling is still not controllable. and honestly, honestly, to be able to share on-air, to read ur sharing thru sms, to know u thru call-ins, to do radio, every moment is 痛并快乐着. the happiness comes from the effort put in, comes from the enjoyment you shared with me which you gained from what i shared.

i love radio hosting

i guess that's a fact, afterall

& afterall, untill i find sth i love more than radio hosting, i hope to keep on doing it, no matter how infrequent. i love the connections we create on-air.

i love u yong jian. i love u yong da. i love u too tong. i love the gifts radio has given me, a friend like ke min. i love my dad who listened, who smiled & said, u sound great. i love my husband who said, go back do ur show live, since u enjoy it much. that's many thing radio gives me. i m thankful to lingzhi's yinyueriji. i m thankful to my 15 when i stayed in hostel. i m thankful to my siss n bros who listen to great music & share with me. i m good.

i m loved. & i ve sth i loved which makes my heart wrench sometimes.

afterall. it's probably a blessing in disguise. i did not make it there makes me still love it so much. my years in debate told me one thing: if u r not chosen, it doesnt mean u r not good enough. that means only u r not chosen. well, another thing which dear songhui xuezhang shared & i remembered it clearly: we see your persistance, and in debate, people who persists there eventually make it

: ) a smile to me, and my dear friends who read this

遇見美好的 台灣 朗讀節

光是熱鬧無法創造的美好感受

文／楊照

城市愈來愈大，人口愈來愈多，在這種情況下， 活動要如何辦得成功，定義有了微妙的變化。

活動要熱鬧，但光是熱鬧卻無法傳遞幸福的感受。有時候， 反而倒過來，在熱鬧中有所簡化、清靜，才更能讓人有深刻的印象。

論起書展活動的熱鬧，沒有比香港書展更驚人的了。兩年前， 我在香港書展會場，扣除掉演講時間不算，只待了十五分鐘。 剛好夠讓我埋沒在龐大的人潮中，被人潮推著前進， 從這個入口走到下一個出口。中間幾乎沒有停下來，不是我不想停， 是沒辦法停，可是書展裡不能停下來悠閒翻翻書，那去書展幹甚麼？

今年台北書展剛剛落幕，六天中有五十九萬人入場， 據說打破了過去的人數紀錄，不過還好，可能眾多人潮都去了「 動漫館」，主要場館並沒有擠滿人的壓迫感。更好的是， 書展中辦了一系列的「朗讀節」，幾乎隨時進場都可以在「 朗讀角落」遇到有朗讀活動。

「朗讀」就是一種簡化、相對清靜的活動。簡簡單單， 一個作者來到現場，面對讀者，用自己的聲音將自己的作品， 一字一字一句一句念出來。沒有甚麼別的花招， 也沒有甚麼額外的熱鬧。沒有參加過這種朗讀的人， 第一個反應幾乎都是狐疑：這有甚麼意思？會有人要參加這種活動？ 幹嘛花時間去聽作家唸已經寫下來的文本呢？

聽朗讀其實大有道理。最大的道理是：用緩慢的速度， 比一般閱讀慢得多的速度，比較接近創作的速度，來理解作品。 而且是用作者，不是讀者的速度。 我們在那裏聆聽著文字背後潛藏的聲音， 突然意識到文字絕對不是圖像，而有其豐富的節奏變化。於是， 那段時間裡，我們和文字發生了不同的關係， 也就對於那段被朗讀的文字，有了很不一樣的感受了。

這樣的朗讀活動，是歐美習以為常的新書發表形式， 過去卻很少在台灣出現。台灣的新書發表會，作者總得多些話， 通常還要邀請別的來賓幫襯再多說些，最好是加上一些其他的噱頭， 唯恐其不夠熱鬧。

面對讀者，真的非要那麼熱鬧不可嗎？台北書展「朗讀節」證明了， 安靜一點沒甚麼不好，簡單一點沒甚麼不好， 少一點說不定反而能給讀者多一點的體會。

和「朗讀節」相應的，這次書展主場走道攤位沒有特別擁擠， 看來營業銷售額可能也沒多大突破，可是幾個辦演講活動的場地， 卻始終不冷清。我參加的幾場活動，性質各自不同， 但場子裡都坐了滿滿的人，而且活動過程觀眾都很投入， 不是那種進來找椅子休息的。主持朱天心和鍾曉陽對談的那場， 我刻意觀察了一下圍立在外面的人，發現他們大部分的人， 一站站了四十分鐘，都沒有離去。

顯然，有比往年更多的人，不是，或不只是來書展買書的。 他們進到書展，因為這裡可以給他們一種討論書的氣氛， 在這裡看到作家、出版人，聽見書籍產製過程的細節，樂此不疲。

書隨時可以買，更有許多書展以外的地方可以買， 光是拿書展當買書的管道，當然是太可惜了。難能可貴， 台北書展今年明確做出了一種特殊的環境條件， 只有在書展才會聚攏作者、讀者、編輯、 出版家一起打造出的美好時光。