18-28-38

去年，在寻找工作的过程中有个认识自己的练习。（详情请阅What color is your parachute?）认识自己的练习当中的第一部分是写自己的十个身份，然后从当中找出任何共通之处。

Last year, while i was searching for jobs, there was a exercise i did about discover/knowing oneself. (For more details, pls refer to What Color is Your Parachute?) First step to know oneself was to write down 10 identities, then find what are the elements in common.

以下是我当时写下的十个身份：audio lover音响爱好者（声音、广播、音乐）、reader读者、traveler旅者、slacker懒者（在河边散步、慢慢旅行、慢泡好咖啡）、姐姐、good/caring person、learner学习者、activist活动者、France Culture Explorer法国文化探索者、Jogger跑者

Below is a list of my 10 identities written down: Audio lover (sounds, radio, music), reader, traveler, slacker (strolling by the river, travelling slow, making good coffee slow), sister, good/caring person, learner, activist, france culture explorer, jogger. 

说以上是18岁以后慢慢发展成的自己不为过。包括当姐姐这件事，在弟弟妹妹进入少年时期，姐姐的身份才进入另一种层次。再也不可能也不该是由上往下的那种训导。更多是平行的交换。我想接下来的人生，如果都能享受这种平行的交换，那会是非常美好的事。

It is not an overstatement to say that i have developed these identities since 18 year-old. Even the matter of being a sister. It was during the teenage years of younger bros & siss when I find being a sister has evolved into something different. One cannot and should not advise younger ones top down anymore. Instead there's been a lot more horizontal exchange. i hope for the rest of life, i will be able to enjoy this horizontal exchange with my ever growing & maturing bros & siss.

今年28了。（在我心中，以今年减出生年份最直接，所以我的年纪是从1月1日算起的）
刚好离相隔十个月后回家还有十天。刚好今天心血来潮。来想想38岁时的自己的十个身份该有哪些。

This year, I am 28. For it is 10 days away from being home again after 10 months. For i have the muse to write down the 10 identities i hope to own when I age 38. Here they are.

French Reader & Movie lover 法文文学和电影爱好者
Yoga as exercise 练瑜伽的人
Amateur photographer 业余摄影者
Reader 读者
Volunteer/Social activist 志工/社会运动者
Amateur writer in Chinese & English 业余写作者
Barista 咖啡吃
Learner 学习者（希望届时已学会基本Graphic Design、哲学、教育等现阶段感兴趣的事）
Music Lover 爱听音乐的人
Good person 好人

以上十个身份是需要去慢慢磨出来的，而一些身份它将自然而然产生，也十分期待
妻子-母亲-姐姐-女儿-阿姨-姑姑-好朋友

For the 10 identities above, which i find them not much different from the current 10, yet there are still lots and lots of effort to be made. I look forward to some other identities that will naturally occur from time to time. Wife-Mum-Sis-Daughter-Aunt-Good friend

放在自己从开始到现在一直在经营的博克上。希望38岁的自己能完成以上所有的事

This note is posted for the 38 year-old self on a online space i have farmed and will continuously farmed. How many of these will i achieve when i am 38?

How are you feeling, dear friend?

10.11.12.13 你们注册的时刻那么好记

谢谢你在那么多年后又回到我的人生。像我曾经分享过的Brandi Carlile一首歌曲里，那句“You are my friend again…”总是让我想起我们两个。

昨晚，躺在床上，老公身边，我分享到（或者有点训话的调调）：

“嘿，如果她结婚，你也会很开心吗？

“那你们真的应该坐下来，打开来说。

“打开什么？打开心房。打开天窗说亮话啊！从一切怎么开始的。问为什么。说你先在想些什么。

为什么我那么鸡婆，要去训话呢？因为我们两个人的经历，让我觉得和自己那么欣赏那么喜欢的人继续联络继续分享生活的点滴是那么美好的是。也许在和彼此相处的、联系的那么短暂的时光里，也总是可以再“探望”某一部分渐渐淡忘的自己。

我记得你美丽的字迹。非常好看。我记得你总是能写很多很多。我记得我愿意分享很多我的困惑，而你总是鼓励。

Forward很多年，我们没有联系的很多年。我从传播系毕业，我做了兼职广播员，我不止恋爱还和初恋情人经历了许多许多，也结婚了。再见的时刻，我记得我很坦然。我觉得许许多多的日与夜过去以后，我们回到了最初认识、喜欢和这个人做朋友的心态。我没有预料到的是，我忘了很多，你还记得一些。你还有问题没有问，原来。

你问：为什么当时会唱这首歌给我听？说真的，没有别的意思，就这首歌很好听，想起你，就唱了。

你没有问：为什么当时以回避的方式拒绝我？老实说，真正的答案，我都不知道。硬要说一个，就是，我怕。怕距离的美会因为靠近而失去。

是我问得少？还是我说得太多？还是我们有太多来不及catch up？我不知道，不过我听说，没有见面或联系的几年里，你恋爱了。在我们重逢时，你似乎是为了家人和喜欢的人回到东南亚的，不过和喜欢的人之间距离没有变近。昨天你说，那一段我们在同一岛国生活的日子，我鼓励了你。不只你一个，我至少还有一个朋友，我知道你和他都是非常痴情的人，只是这条路走得比较颠簸。

他结婚了。你也结婚了。我也结婚了。我们像从一条无尽的孤独的小路不停不停走着，终于在这条小路的尽头，伸手怀抱另一个人，继续往前走下去。从此，路再烂，风景再漂亮，我们可以选择静静一个人欣赏，也可以把所有的饱满的心情带回去再和ta分享。

除了那个我鄙视的烂人之外，我和我喜欢过和喜欢过我的人，好多好多，我们都还联系。有的还是很重要很重要的朋友。应该，应该是这样的，在朋友和情人这样非黑即白的分类中，其实有很多朋友靠近家人这一边，有很多朋友（不一定要喜欢过对方）你会把他们当非常亲密非常安心非常珍惜非常想要拽在怀里的xx。不知道要称他们做什么。只知道，当ta伸手环抱ta的爱人一起继续往前走之时，心中满满地为他们感到快乐。我默默期望自己在未来的很多很多年里还继续在你的人生的某个边边或某个角落，看你，或陪你和你的伴侣经历下来的精彩。

感谢你。也感谢我其他的xx。非常非常棒的这些灵魂，谢谢你们在我的人生里，谢谢你们让我参与你们的人生。非常爱你。

默默等待我珍爱的xx，找到爱人。而我将不停不停再经历这样的快乐。祝福我自己一直不停不停经历这样的快乐。不停不停。

A letter to you

To dear you,

This is a letter to you. But I am not courageous enough to send it to you, coz I scare that you will dislike me a little if I did.

I have not been telling people what you should do and what you shouldn't do for the longest time in my life. At least that's how I see it. And I don't want to tell you what you should or should not do. Coz I treat you as a mature adult. I believe you are the one and only in the world, who can make decision for yourself for your best interest with your best ability based on the best understanding of your own situation. No one else, but you.

So let me tell you what I didn't do.

Each of us spend some time as a financially poor student because we are not son or daughter of a millionaire. We know how our dad has not spent anything on himself other than a few cans of beer occasionally (and I think he drinks less now to stay in green zone of his blood sugar level control). How our mum be very economically efficient with all her purchases for the family.

And here's what I do, here, in Aus. I liked a bag which sells at $39.99 months ago. I told husband, "when it's 50% off, I will buy it". I saw it on 50% off today, I didn't buy it. My last purchase of a bag, 2 years ago, when I started my new job back then, and don't have a right-looking bag for my OL dress code job.

My Nokia which has served me since 2009. It doesn't work as a functional phone for me anymore coz with its 3G on, it dies within few hours. An LG L3 which costs me just $69, I can't bear to buy it. I couldn't answer if I need a smart phone or I like to have a smart phone. Or why not $20 bag to pamper myself but spend $50 extra for sth else.

Not even a 2 for $10 travel mug for coffee. Though I really love to bring my homemade coffee out.

I probably treat myself too badly.

We all have different phases of life. We all need to learn through spending money the not-so-well-way. And I hope you learn it too, someday.

I love you too much to not say anything. At the same time, I respect you too much to tell you what you should or should not do.

Do your best, always. Just like everyone else in our family. We are great kids, the older we are, the better we are. We can't help it. We are great in gene.

I love you. Stay happy. Stay positive. Keep growing, dear.

Sis

0:03 14 Sept