my country 11.4.2013 ma nation

昨天，马来西亚宣布5 May大选。睡觉前，我在想airasia的机票会被扫光吗？我们overseas voter的application要被diproses到什么时候？？

早上，在skype，妹寄来weblink，check了之后，果然，还在diproses.....

今晚上fb，看到一堆朋友的sharings，全都一面倒要Change. 是因为物以类聚，还是？

我大多数的friends是独中生。也有姑姑（住关丹、反稀土），也有cousin是KL人......etc.希望election is fair & transparent.马来西亚is changing for better.

华人把华教叫作"独立"中学,那执政50几年的政府把华教叫"私立"zhongxue"，而身处华教学府时，觉得我们是和主流"对立"的中学。

有时，我遗憾自己是华教的成品。因为我不认识国立学校的朋友，不知道他们是否也觉得这个制度可笑，这个政府偏激又爱做广告，没有信服力、执行力。

很久了，他们讲话，我当屁，不理。

可是，我的妈妈呢？她一辈子在malaysia, 我的爸爸（他会基本英文），可他会和妈妈在怎样的malaysia养老呢？

You, give me back a "normal" malaysia. I dont need a country who tops the world, just give me a country who is sensible, that I can make sense with.

花园 08.04.2013 le jardin

我转头45到90度，就能看到花园里面现在盛开着6朵花。有两朵之前绽放过的花朵现在枯萎了。花朵原来也会睡觉。清早，看到花朵才微微张开。早餐后，花朵就又开到最大最美的样子。小花过几天会变大花，旁边又会多一朵小花。刚搬来时的大花，已经再也不会绽放了。
衣服晒在花朵们的右边。空气很干燥。阳光很强。有时风很大。所以，除了极少数可能下雨的日子，衣服很快就会干了，还会有阳光的味道。非常好闻。

冷冷的秋天早晨，坐在落地门窗旁边，晒太阳取暖是多么多么舒服的一件事。我想我一辈子也不会厌倦的。

不会厌倦的还有小花园里的小花，还有有阳光味道的晒干的衣服。


移民，或者说到另一个地方去生活，当然也不是只有风花雪月的。有说不尽的浪漫、舒适和温暖以及奇遇。也有不想说的哀愁。

未找到自己的小房子之前，住过一个旅社。不算大的房间就是我们仅有的空间，我们在房间里吃早饭，在双人床上用电脑看电影，唯一的橱柜放着吃的、钱包等随身物品、洗衣剂、洗碗剂各种东西。不算舒适的日子却让我觉得对两个人的关系很重要。我想夫妻更重要的可能是一起“熬过”不那么好的日子。不算好的日子也不断让我想起松蒲弥太郎说的，不管什么时候，要为社会最底层的人考虑。

当我们把带来的第一笔钱用尽，转来第二笔钱的时刻，adjustment（调节？）的阶段也进入第二个层次。边做些零散的可以应付的工作边慢慢寻找真正适合真正喜欢也想要做的工作。

如果没有这一趟奇妙的旅程，我会遗憾。因为我没有试过在外头担心害怕的日子，因为我没有体验过什么都没有却因为陌生人亲切的问候而感动的简单（有个白发老人走上前来告诉我：you look good in white），因为我不知道有那么基本的旅舍而且可以在那里住上一段日子（是生活的那种住不是旅行那种）。因为我没有看过片片辽阔的草原，所有的牛羊马都低头吃草（让我真的很想不要再吃肉了）。还有很多写不出，看了你也不真正知道我在说什么的事，因为那是我的，不是你的，每个人只有自己经历才懂得的事。

最后，在忘记之前，想要记下来的想法，是。看到我的亲爱的她在从上一段亲密关系中走出来的时候庆贺一个人的独立自由以及毫不保留的自我。我第一时间感到羡慕，心底一部分的自己相信不爱谁的自己才是最自己的自己。可是，我身边的他是一个挺神奇的人，不知道他是不是和我一样在实验两个人也可以各自实现自我做自己并且因为彼此而更勇敢的去做，不放手，不放弃？

不是每个人都在适婚的时候遇到适合的人。所以，没有办法鼓励也不应该催促谁谁快快找个伴。但愿遇到想爱的人的你，不要害怕失去自己，希望我们可以证明相爱和实现自我是没有冲突的。


谢谢偶尔想起我，想要知道我还活得好吗的你。我们加油

Sunday morning 31.3.13 Le Dimanche Matin

Sunday morning. By Macquarie River 31.3.13

The good thing abt being in a new place is
old things, that have always been there, are seen with a new & fresh pair of eyes, are heard by a sensitive pair of ears.

The bird chirping. The duck quacking. The bird whistling. The colour of birds, the butterflies, the flower on the bank river, even the grass that makes the field, the slow flowing water, the wind, the coldness.

It could be that I am simply someone who has longed for a natural ‘habitat’/environment to live, so I see them, hear them, feel them. Sitting by the river, feeling the cool breeze, & writing, & thinking.

A bird, white in colour, just flew across from my left to right in front of me. I think I read about them in the local paper, they are called “Macquarie”, the same names as the river being called. Macquarie apparently is someone who was a General being sent to Aus centuries ago.

Just being bitten by an ant, apparently I might have accidentally blocked their ways of moving to somewhere else.

I am a little confused. How Tony Leong (Liang Chao Wei) said abt being relax and don’t make plans & just go with whatever comes & happens to you. I am confused because I don’t know how can one be so … impressive not paying effort to strive for anything.

Wind just got stronger. And I added my jacket bought and brought from Sg.

I wonder could it be Leong is already doing what he loves, thus he can do it that easy breezy way? Coz I am sure not all who lives casual-ly/care-free live a life as great as his. Maybe he disagrees with me that he lives a great life, but he certainly is a great actor. Anyway, I guess people do have different ways of living.

Some aim, slog, achieve. Some live, play, achieve. What I love about this place where I am now, is, it is simply very simple. A CBD smaller then my old Taman (residential district). You have a river at the edge of CBD, while I live just 15-20 min stroll away. Everyone (almost) rest aft. 5pm, closed on Sunday & half-day Saturday. I didn’t feel much rushing. No unhappy/angry parents I have witnessed yet.

Instead, I saw so many birds who won’t even care abt me, as if the grass is theirs, the park is theirs, and I am a trespasser : )

I love this place.

No job found yet. It could be a blessing to let me know how nice a living area can be. Maybe I can stay. Maybe I wont. But I certainly learn form these days here.

I enjoy Dubbo.

 birds always make me feel like trespasser 

Writing by the river. While I write, family of five (incl. a dog) passed by. Across the river, a couple strolled pass. Three cars passed by. A couple with their god stroll at the field behind me.