aug19 complicated : |

en... reading havent done
en... also need to read more on them so that i understand them better, so that i can do something good for them and for myself
en... sat is going to be like a brand new start for me...
en... the campus part-time job i was applying all this while didnt go smooth in the end... i m bounced to 0 income agian, if i m this picky : (
en... sth good happened to me, He claiming he is my laoda called n told me about his new arrangement. i assume the new arrangment shows that he has faith in me. n i m happy about it. but, when i swithed on my phone just now n read e two messages came in, i m hurt by deardear's message. unexpectedly and sadly, he is unhappy with the new arrangement

sis actually won 3rd prize yest in her singing contest~~~~~ i m very very excited to know that. so do dear dear. dear dear even said that he wants to give sis kaiyun a treat. however, according to sis, mama is too cool when she heard the news. sis is pretty dissappointed because of mama's coolness. i fully understand how she felt, as i felt so before.

i cant explain. why the dearest people around you dont react in the way you hope. .. maybe we care them too much, and they care us too much. so much so that they cant see what others see in something we are happy about. mama cant share kaiyun's excitement and sense of achievement, while kaiyun actually loves mama so so much, n wishes that mama can give her just a word of encouragement or praise? neither can dear dear shares my simple happiness in knowing that i m given more opportunities to on-air, though i hope u do just as e sikeng n jessie do.

i m sorry, my dear friends who are reading this. i cant give u any good feelings in this blog. i cant ... n hopefully my not-so-good mood doesnt infect you at all.

i m tired now. n i feel i ve lots undone stuffs. fortunately, i ve friends whom are easy n feel good to be with. we chat about films, about fyps... so on and so forth.

baba mama, i love u. kaixiang, kairik, kaiyun, kaihui, i love you. dear, i love you. my friends, i love you. kaixuan, i love you for trying hard to be whom you want to be.

keep it on...'buck up' (this the word dear dear would use)

很棒的 8月18号

让我用倒叙的
在地铁上，遇到一个叫“德语”的爸爸，他有一个还不会说话的儿子
小小的 好可爱
德语爸爸说，早上骂儿子了，所以晚上带他出来走走
呵呵 我感觉得到他当爸爸的幸福 我小时候 爸爸是不是也是这样幸福着呢？

晚餐，和王子共进
非常幸福和舒服 用完食物后 离王子上课还有一段时间
我突然兴起 拿张纸 让王子画画一下
先是几条线长长地横越A5的上半边 我想 那是天吗？
然后他开始在下方画一些方方的 怀疑是很大很大的石头的东西
“你知道这是哪里吗？”
不知道
“墨西哥”

看着他画，觉得自己很幸福，有多少人有这样的幸福呢？
可以这样看着爱人陪自己突发奇想，画画，画着自己心里面想着的地方
画完了，他说他喜欢印第安人的帽子和吉他
我喜欢他画的石头上的阴影，还有仙人掌

我坐在麦当劳，看以前读过的一本很容易读的书SQ21
友惠允发现了我 多年不见了 对她来讲 我并不难认
虽然看见彼此没有想象中的激动 不过没有陌生的感觉 不知道为什么
我们聊了很多很多 多到我根本不可能尽数
关于她的音乐 关于她的体会

很舒服 也很难得的 不是每个人 见面了 都可以吐尽心里话的
要一个愿意说 一个愿意听 所以我赚了 赚了很多惠允的故事和体会

早上，我还是赖床，家里的床，难得多赖几回，不是么？
“起来！！”我对我自己说
我随意翻完必须读完的几面assigned reading
我随意在必需发表意见的space上，随意敲打了我仅有的硬硬挤出来的想法
出门

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不是要好的，只要爱的

不管他多帅
不管他多有风度
不管他多么勇敢
不管他多高
不管他有多优秀
不管我有多不完美
你还是爱我，不要否认了！
不管他他他他他有多好，我还是爱你，我只是爱你

跟你在一起，很舒服，很平静，这是真的
自然的，无法控制的，喜欢 和你在一起

我爱你

只是爱你 你很可爱 我不需要好的，更好的男人
只要和我爱和爱我的你在一起

我爱你

你要多喝水，要多吃有营养的东西，要快乐，要健康

谢谢你

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没有个性的地方

看报纸的时候，终于找到那个词来形容我觉得这个地方少的那样东西
个性
这个地方找了个性
这是马来西亚有的，尽管他脾气不好 : )

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吴娟瑜说她会带着两个儿子跳上火车，出发，去探索

去探索，或许，这是我一直对多年前我们一家7人开着一辆6人客货车环绕马来西亚半岛玩了2个星期左右津津乐道的原因吧

这跟我以前想要流浪的想法一致
这跟王子现在想要去流浪的想法一致
这跟王jj先生没有行程在台湾玩了一个星期的感觉也是一致的

去探索、去流浪、去……

-----

前天的报纸说谣传ellen昨天在florida结婚了
她真酷！！！！！！

: )

-----

哈哈 我爽了

the end

midnight of Aug16 i miss a friend

firstly, aug15 is the anniversary of Japanese surrendered for WWII, if i didnt wrongly interpret the tv news.

secondly, tonight, the drama i watch with sis, and the little tiny xin1 shi4 i had remind me a friend i used to have. i used to trust a friend whom i never meet in reality but online much. but at the end of the story, i lost this friend.

when i feel abit insecure to tell e little xin1 shi4 to my close friends tongiht, i think of this friend, who was distant and yet being trusted so much. to ve this kind of friend is sth ke3 yu4 bu4 ke3 qiu2.

: ) by the time i blog about missing this friend, another distant friend had just cleared e dark clouds in my hearts. i can sleep soundly later n ve a nice weekend tmr.

with love,
kai xuan

dear friend, be there nicely...