1. Move on.
There are hard times. Very hard, sometimes. Mostly, it is a result of me not wanting to cooperate with her. Today, I struggled to put her to nap for almost 2 hours. And I felt resentment in me. And I was conscious of being resentful to this beautiful person because she did not want to fall asleep my way (without breastfeeding I somehow decided today).
The main thing is, though, when she woke up from her nap. The way she woke up, opened her eyes as usual, trying to understand where she was, recognised me, and smiled to acknowledge. And, above all, she did not remember a thing of what had happened before nap. Wonderful.
When you do not remember, it is so easy to just move on. Isn't it, Leila?
2. Everything can be interesting.
Everything. Caressing the pavement adults deem dirty. Scratching the crack where dirt stuck and moss grow. Buttons. Zips. Cables. Sticks. Leaves. Of course.
If I place something in her sight for the first time, even if I hide it behind something else. She always sees it, gets it, plays with it.
How have we forgotten how to be interested in people and things? We used to be so curious. All of us. I want to try to see everything she sees and finds it interesting. What a luxury to observe her observe.
3. It is both nature and nurture, the selves we are.
There are movements she likes to do, raising her feet high up and dropping them down. She does that since she was only 2 or 3 months old maybe. She chooses to wave hello to some people without being prompted. She likes to mingle with the toddlers. She likes to stand, and starts walking independently before 10 months old. These are her natural self.
I do not know which part of her natural self has already been diminished by me as I certainly have not intended to do so at any time in any way. But I could have imagined elders in my extended family would have commented "this is too dangerous", "that is too unhygienic", if they have been around to see how she has developed through all these messy or dirty play.
I hope, I can nurture her to enjoy music and reading. I hope, she keeps on showing me how "self" evolves. And I hope she can be very happy with herself, happier than I am with myself, down the road.
4. Persist. And you will get there.
This might be common sense. But witnessing how she conquers every challenges, persists and always get a new skill eventually. It is very inspiring to witness how she single minded-ly focuses on what she wants to do. Try and fail. Try again and fail. Try again until she no longer fails. If, only if, I can persist on like this, I can be anything I want to be.
5. Rest, get you further.
Have you heard of burnout? I just heard it over the television yesterday. The show was discussing burnout cases in medical professions. Your doctors and nurses who cannot cope emotionally, physically, or both.
On my journey of motherhood, I guess I was probably on the brink of burnout. I was feeling that I cannot cope being a mum 24 hours 7 days a week. No predictable time for myself at all. And I made the decision of enrolling Leila into childcare for one day a week, which she has not spent more than 6 hours in a roll so far. The last session of over 5 hours did not end well. I felt she had too much stress being away from me for "too long".
Anyway, this predictable rest, for me to breaths the air just for myself and with myself, is immensely helpful. I do not think I can cope without making this change. I want to say this. Helping Leila to have nap and night sleep is essential, as I can always tell she is happy after she rests well. The same rule applies to me, and to most of everyone I believe. Rest, people. Rest.
Rest, get us further.
Last but not least, if there is one thing, we shall learn together. That is...
Leila almost never stops. If she does not move, she might be pooing. Maybe, this is because I hardly stop either. Do nothing for a second is rare for me. If we are not moving, we are seeing, or we are thinking. Doing nothing for at least a second. I shall try. And, maybe she will get to do nothing even better than I am.
***writing this post to celebrate the existence of Leila in my life. The past 11 months she has taught me a lot. It is beautiful to be her mum.***
There are hard times. Very hard, sometimes. Mostly, it is a result of me not wanting to cooperate with her. Today, I struggled to put her to nap for almost 2 hours. And I felt resentment in me. And I was conscious of being resentful to this beautiful person because she did not want to fall asleep my way (without breastfeeding I somehow decided today).
The main thing is, though, when she woke up from her nap. The way she woke up, opened her eyes as usual, trying to understand where she was, recognised me, and smiled to acknowledge. And, above all, she did not remember a thing of what had happened before nap. Wonderful.
When you do not remember, it is so easy to just move on. Isn't it, Leila?
2. Everything can be interesting.
Everything. Caressing the pavement adults deem dirty. Scratching the crack where dirt stuck and moss grow. Buttons. Zips. Cables. Sticks. Leaves. Of course.
If I place something in her sight for the first time, even if I hide it behind something else. She always sees it, gets it, plays with it.
How have we forgotten how to be interested in people and things? We used to be so curious. All of us. I want to try to see everything she sees and finds it interesting. What a luxury to observe her observe.
3. It is both nature and nurture, the selves we are.
There are movements she likes to do, raising her feet high up and dropping them down. She does that since she was only 2 or 3 months old maybe. She chooses to wave hello to some people without being prompted. She likes to mingle with the toddlers. She likes to stand, and starts walking independently before 10 months old. These are her natural self.
I do not know which part of her natural self has already been diminished by me as I certainly have not intended to do so at any time in any way. But I could have imagined elders in my extended family would have commented "this is too dangerous", "that is too unhygienic", if they have been around to see how she has developed through all these messy or dirty play.
I hope, I can nurture her to enjoy music and reading. I hope, she keeps on showing me how "self" evolves. And I hope she can be very happy with herself, happier than I am with myself, down the road.
4. Persist. And you will get there.
This might be common sense. But witnessing how she conquers every challenges, persists and always get a new skill eventually. It is very inspiring to witness how she single minded-ly focuses on what she wants to do. Try and fail. Try again and fail. Try again until she no longer fails. If, only if, I can persist on like this, I can be anything I want to be.
5. Rest, get you further.
Have you heard of burnout? I just heard it over the television yesterday. The show was discussing burnout cases in medical professions. Your doctors and nurses who cannot cope emotionally, physically, or both.
On my journey of motherhood, I guess I was probably on the brink of burnout. I was feeling that I cannot cope being a mum 24 hours 7 days a week. No predictable time for myself at all. And I made the decision of enrolling Leila into childcare for one day a week, which she has not spent more than 6 hours in a roll so far. The last session of over 5 hours did not end well. I felt she had too much stress being away from me for "too long".
Anyway, this predictable rest, for me to breaths the air just for myself and with myself, is immensely helpful. I do not think I can cope without making this change. I want to say this. Helping Leila to have nap and night sleep is essential, as I can always tell she is happy after she rests well. The same rule applies to me, and to most of everyone I believe. Rest, people. Rest.
Rest, get us further.
Last but not least, if there is one thing, we shall learn together. That is...
Leila almost never stops. If she does not move, she might be pooing. Maybe, this is because I hardly stop either. Do nothing for a second is rare for me. If we are not moving, we are seeing, or we are thinking. Doing nothing for at least a second. I shall try. And, maybe she will get to do nothing even better than I am.
***writing this post to celebrate the existence of Leila in my life. The past 11 months she has taught me a lot. It is beautiful to be her mum.***
