想念自己的文化，和懂我懂的东西的人，和不懂不过愿意听我说的人

我在马、新、中居住过。第一次长期住在一个没有中文的国家。我的意思是，没有本地的、本国的中文文化。

而我的生活当中，说中文的老公是我和自己的华裔血统的唯一联系。他是唯一一位和我说中文的人，所有和华族有关的文化元素，如电影、音乐、书籍、节日、食物，只有他可能理解我的爱好。

当世界以这样的方式在面前展开，有时让人措手不及。像从尼泊尔去纽约念书的孩子。一开始感到新奇，对所有完全不同的思维、向人问候的方式、生活的态度、环境包括天气阳光和星星都感到为自己的生命添加了许多以前甚至不知到其存在的元素。然而，我正处于一个文化上感到饥渴的状态。同时，对本地人熟悉的电影、音乐、文学也还没有进入熟悉的阶段。不过，我想这是一个过程。最后，希望可以在两地、中西文化中游刃有余。

兄弟姐妹 Siblings

I am a lucky girl, with four younger siblings. We are all two years older from the next one. 

Growing up, we eat breakfast circling the dining table 5 o'clock in the mornings before school, six days a week. We eat dinner together, seven of us circling the dining table every evenings. I never ever thought this is not going to last long. 

No. None of us is sick or whatever. When I was 19, I left home to study. I was back home about 1-2 times a month. "Going home", I used to describe these journeys. Sisters was in their upper primary school years and lower high school years when I first left my family. They pretty much passed their teenage years without big big sister living at home.

And I never ever thought, not so many years after, my younger brother, who's two years younger, has bought his own house, where he and his partner are gonna live in and raise their own family in that house. And for me, I am living quite far away now, saving for a house for me and my partner as well. 

I never ever thought, breakfast together, all the chit-chats and laughter only lasted for the early 18 years of my life. I would have hoped it would be forever. But that is certainly just a big fat dream.

All I can see of them is from their photos and videos shared on Fb. All I can hear of them is from Skype or Line. All I can know more about how they are is through their Fb posts or blog entries. 

This is just one story of how many siblings and families in my generation live like. We are going around the world, pursuing what we think is valuable to us. We are staying together digitally. With a family group page or a family group chat on Fb or our mobile devices.

wild/random thoughts in 20 minutes

• business-minded me (to-be)

few weeks back, i suddenly have a burst of ideas of how i want to run MY bed & breakfast inn. the price range. the breakfast. the simple but functional room. and the people who will come to my b&b from all around the world... ... how to pamper employees..
also, running a cafe can be a part or separate business from b&b. ideas ideas ideas

then few days later. i thought about how i must pay myself well enough, my marvelous awesome employees well enough. SO, i have to learn about running a business. because ultimately, i m going to run it efficiently and profitable to keep it running. and keep this business as an inspiration to people involved in it, visited it, and myself.

• mummy me

once you are with someone close to 10 years, and married more than 5 years, you cant help but thinking about family. plus, honestly speaking, i can hardly explain to people how conducive Oz is, at least to me, for setting up your own family. kids study 8.30am-3pm, office runs 8am-4.30pm. with the gardens available in my little town, with the nature closeby, with the libraries and other infrastructure, incl. safety etc. it is simply conducive. it makes me wanna do more with my life. wanna dream bigger. learn more. be better.

and just yesterday, i saw a relaxed cool mum on the bus i took after work. the way she talked sweetly to her son, how she taught him "when the bus come to stop, 3, 2, 1, jump down (from the chair, because he was so short)." The bus driver waited people to stand up, walked to the door, alighted. the thinking of waiting a little bit more for the young and the old is something people naturally think and do. and i appreciate it so much.
***of course, not everyone does it. but the people who dont is something, you know, culturally unacceptable. while in malaysia and sg, we are so so fast. we take waiting as something extra, and people who do it are like saints (or "gracious" as we commonly described) instead of just being the way it should be

last but definitely not least, the importance of family, weekend, and relax in Oz culture is simply something no one wanna take it away from their lives, and their children's lives, their children's children's lives...

• still a lot of things i wanna do (may or may not be able to do)

i wanna write better. hopefully. get people out of my social circle interested in reading my views as well in years to come. thus i ve to just keep on reading, writing, and of course think
i wanna backpacking/couchsurfing to all 7 continents if i live long enough. with or without partner(s) with or without kids. while i am still not capable to, i shall keep myself updated with what's going on. keep understanding countries, people around the world more

next short term target, be a barista who makes great coffee everytime hopefully by the end of winter (coz cold weather is making our cafe so so so so so busy. it is tiring but it is definitely good training!)