8月见了很多人

讲师说，她每个月都要求自己和一个人吃饭

我联想到，自己每次约朋友出来，聊聊天，是多么的充沛和愉快

8月，唆一声，又要结束了

8月，因为真回来了，所以我见到了思敏，钰咏，和庭政
因为梁文道来了，所以遇到了丽颖、嘉荣
因为宝诚来了新加坡，所以我们又相聚聊天了，还是在bugis
因为一页台北来了，所以和克敏及她的朋友一块看电影
因为小弟要出发到台湾去了，所以回到爷爷家去煮了很难吃的饭菜给他吃
因为，所以我见到了多年不见的郑佩芬同学
我还漏了谁吗？（啊，再宽中跟辅才老师聊天）

来的，还是会走的
一直在身边的，也是会离开的
相聚了，会各自去经历，然后再聚，再续

s w e e t ness

2.58am now. it's a friday. early morning

i have earlier slept about three hours after dinner, according to the only witness Mr. Lua

last night i was sitting at a local franchise cafe, toastbox. it's decorated / designed with some old stuffs from the mid to 70s 1900s, type writer, rusted trophies, old certificate, old photos, rusted saxophone... the wooden frame of its window has been specially treated to give that kind of worn out feeling. the temperature was cool (because of air-con), windy (because of fan). i have no book with me, and i sat, sipping the black coffee (we called it Kopi-O-Kosong), waiting for my friend. I looked around, there's a girl in pale yellow singlet and shorts (or it's short enough to be called hot pants?). There's an old lady whose hair is in red, i saw her partner bought her drink, brought it over, sitting across the table. There are groups of friends drinking cheap coffees (it's roughly 1 dollar each), sitting close to each others (the wooden table is really small, really, smaller than an A3 size, I feel), chatting, looking into each others eyes

and i was waiting. observing. enjoying the stories happening around me

and i've just received a gift online. a writing of a gal about her meeting with her long-time-no-see boyfriend. sincere love and happiness flows out from her writing. i noticed someone said, do keep me jealous of you two : ) the relationship of friends does mean different things to us than paparazzi. we are happy for them, and if we see them separated, we are quiet, and we wish that his/her wound heals with time. and so i secretly wish my girlfriend & her beloved, my boyfriend & his girl stay happy with their beloveds

and for myself. i mean. my love story is something worth to be written and shared, i thought, but i will probably do that when i turn old... white hair. more clumsy. when my grandchildren run around me... or i will bring the story with me when i leave

and when we have left school, and when we have to feed ourselves and even our family, and when we have to spend huge amount of time doing something so called "work", it's just different, very different from our childhood happiness (& sorrow). I mean I think I will be happy, happier than I am now, if I successfully sell myself to that radio station by end of Aug/2010...

Meanwhile. I'm tired. Demotivated.

After working on something I truly like, and back to these days dealing with scanning, calling, registering, liaising...

After work, still, I have to make time for myself, for us, for my family, for my part-time job... : | i m just... i need a break


by the way, welcome back, dear zc.


***hmm... so what it's sweet about this bitter blogspost? Probably, just look at the sorrow I'm feeling upside down. it's a true blue bliss

新郎不是我

如果，电台是窈窕淑女，我一直很想成为君子，和她相称

可惜，如今她结婚了，新郎不是我

－－－－

现在心理面有一种不该痛却还是心痛的感觉

也许那时我真的代晚班了，现在新郎仍然不会是我

－－－－

之前，我听到电台又要换班了。就有些失落
很个人的一种失落
－“小猪走了一段日子了，班换了又换了”
－“我毕业一段日子了，班换了又换，还是跟我没什么关系”

然后我继续代班，不敢说天天进步，不过天天尽力

然后今天我知道，他也加入１００３成为全职广播员了
当然，是为听众开心的，毕竟电台又多了另外一位风格独特的广播员
可是，也十分有一种新郎不是我的感觉。

不是第一次有这种感觉了。但是，这样的感觉，只能面对，承受，调试，和跨过去的

我不禁想起克敏说的一句可爱的话：凡事都在最好的时候发生
默默地
默默地
等待 发现 新郎不是我 的 好